Columnist Sandra Thompson: Proving child abuse can make for a tough case

Sandra Thompson

Sunday, Dec. 6, 1998 | 8:39 a.m.

FOR SOME time now, the questions on the other end of the phone have been strikingly similar.

"What can I do ... Who can help my child?"

Some only need a sympathetic ear. Some need names of officials and agencies to contact. For others, there are no immediate solutions.

"My son is being abused," the latest caller said. "No one will listen."

Her ex-husband has custody of the young boy; she has visitation. She moved here to be near him and to try to get him therapy. Outside mediation was ordered in the case, but she says she was ordered to pay for it and because she has no job here, she can't afford it.

"We sold just about everything to move here," she says.

Her son is frightened. She is nearly beside herself because she says no one will look into his plight.

"What can I do?"

Unfortunately, abuse has become such a common allegation in contentious custody cases that officials are overlooking or ignoring signs of true abuse.

"The position courts are taking is that you better have good, solid evidence because 'he said-she said' isn't working anymore," says Sandy Soltz, assistant director of WE CAN, a child abuse prevention agency.

She suggests taking pictures of any marks, documenting where the child was at the time and the time frame in which an incident may have occurred, and then making an official report to Child Protective Services or Metro Police.

For example, if a child returns home from a visit to the other parent and says she hurts in her private parts, tell her not to say anything more, Soltz says. Call Metro and ask for someone to come out and talk to the child -- away from the parent.

"That statement is more powerful than anything else," she says.

However, Soltz acknowledges there are no easy answers or guarantees.

"We do know there are cases that are real. Children don't lie," she says. "But there still is a reluctance (to act) without hard proof."

Also, children themselves are scared to tell someone in authority the truth because they've either been threatened or don't want to get an adult in trouble.

"Legal abuse is different than what I call abuse period," Soltz says. "If a child is beaten and gets a broken leg, and he says he fell down, it (the case) won't go any further."

And if the perpetrator is a respected person in the community, it's more difficult to get a response from the courts, she says.

Nationwide, 3 million calls are made each year to child protection agencies and/or hot lines. One-third of the calls can be substantiated, Soltz says.

When she receives calls at WE CAN from people alleging abuse, Soltz asks CPS to pull the case files. "In every case there hasn't been the collaborative evidence necessary" to prove abuse, she says. That's primarily because it's so common for ex-spouses to accuse the other of child abuse.

If abuse is truly suspected, the child should be taken to special teams at Sunrise Hospital or Child Haven that are trained in that area, Soltz says.

"The system wants to protect the children, but it needs evidence," she says, adding that agencies here are doing the best they can.

It is often difficult to tell whether someone is crying wolf or truly pointing out a danger. But some signs clearly should not be ignored.

Ask the Florida Department of Children and Families, whose investigators disregarded actual marks and injuries on a 6-year-old girl. You'd think the fact that her mother was in a battered women's shelter would have made her father ineligible to be her custodial parent.

Sadly, the ultimate tragedy occurred: The girl's father beat her to death the day before Thanksgiving.

Maybe we've become too accustomed to abuse as a way of life.

Maybe we need more sophisticated medical and psychological tools to determine whether there is actual abuse.

Maybe people like the woman caller need a more sympathetic and attuned court and child protective system to listen to them.