People in the News for October 24, 1997

Friday, Oct. 24, 1997 | 10:21 a.m.

The markets are tumbling but our stock remains high -- because we make People in the News the old-fashioned way: from inane comments by Bruce Willis. As the star of "Jackal," a new film about world affairs and terrorism, Willis is now a bona fide expert on world affairs and terrorism, fully empowered to observe, as he did the other day, that "the world has continued to get crazier and crazier." By God, he's right! It's like he's ripped the blinders from our eyes! And a balding movie star shall lead them. There's more, of course: "We are shocked less and less by more horrific things every week." Still, some things retain their capacity to shock. Say, for instance, that Bryant Gumbel jumped out at us while wearing fake buck teeth; well, we'd be pretty darn rattled. Also, Willis fears his daughters might be shocked by the evil character he plays in "Jackal," so he's vowed not to let them see it until they're 18. Because unlike most films about shadowy assassins who kill ruthlessly and without remorse, "Jackal" "deals basically with the mind of a sociopath." Next, Willis aimed his large brain at another pressing topic: the rough treatment his wife, Demi Moore, receives from the media. Those jackals! "They sell more magazines writing negative things," he sniffs. Just as they sell more "Die Hard" tickets by killing dozens of people.

Briefly

Gift-wrapped dead mice aside, we are shocked less and less by horrific things every week -- however, the agelessness of Dick Clark still does it. But that's just us; ask the 5-year-old kids who worked with him on his new video, "Kidstuff With Dick Clark." They would suggest he's a pretty warm guy. "I just dealt with them like I dealt with teenagers all my life and found out you get the same response," he says. Clark's secret to bridging the generation gap? Poultry humor, naturally. "Why'd the bubble gum cross the road?" he asks on the video. "Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot." The kids crack up! "They all got off on the chicken stories," he says. Sure, they're innocent, chicken-joke-loving kids now, but -- AARRGHGH! Darn it, Bryant, take those teeth out!

Compiled by Scott Dickensheets