People in the News for May 30, 1997

Friday, May 30, 1997 | 11:44 a.m.

You load 16 puns and what do you get? Another day of People in the News, of course! But perhaps now is not the time for frivolity, for concerning ourselves with the gentle foibles of celebrities, their lawsuits, sexual indiscretions and bodily humors. There are larger issues to ponder: the apocalypse, for instance. "The prophecies in the Bible make it seem to millions of us all around the world that we are in that final countdown," says Pat Boone, who's in a bad-news/good-news mood after surveying the global stage. "We're heading to one-world government, one-world economy, and an antichrist world dictatorship." That would be the bad news. The good news came to him after a visit to the dentist, presumably before the Novocain wore off. "Some say it's bleak, but ... I'm an optimist. It's like I just had a root canal the other day, and I detested the idea, but it had to be handled. And now I'm entering a new era in my mouth." Imagine how upbeat he'd feel had he only visited his proctologist.

Captain comeback

As Western Civ hurtles toward an antichrist world dictatorship -- and why does the phrase Vote Buchanan in 2000! come to mind? -- it's nice to know that the forces of good have been joined by an unfamiliar face with a familiar name: Captain Kangaroo. He's back, and he's not Bob Keeshan. Actor John McDonough will revive the fondly remembered children's TV character (last seen in 1993) starting in September. McDonough was giddier than Pat Boone on dental gas: "If I'm the captain of anything, I'm the captain of the Treasure House," he said, indicating the brightly colored set. He was chosen after a nationwide search. "In the end, it was a gut feeling," said an exec with Saban Entertainment, the company syndicating the show. "John clearly shone. He is magical." It's the same company, by the way, that brought the Power Rangers to America, so Kangaroo purists, don't worry! And yes, Mr. Green Jeans will be back, also played by another actor.

Wedding planner

Larry King, who always seems to be entering a new era in his mouth, is entering that final countdown: He's getting married Sept. 5. He and bride Shawn Southwick had planned a December wedding, but, what with all that antichrist dictatorship business coming down, why wait? Anyway, he loves her, the big lug, and not in the cursory, befuddled-by-Novocain way that he loved wives 1-5. It was a gut feeling; she clearly shone -- she was magical! "This is my first besherte," he said, using the Yiddish word meaning the one he's truly intended to be with. The nuptials will be held in L.A. "Al Pacino is going to recite a love poem by e.e. cummings," King says. "And Marie Osmond, I think, will sing." The best man: Ted Turner. It sounds more like a root canal or the apocalypse than a wedding ceremony, but hey, we're optimists (or is it the Novocain?). "Something hits you when you want to spend all your time with her," King muses. "I never had that before in my life." Days like this, he probably feels like captain of the treasure house.

Compiled by Scott Dickensheets