Delayed motherhood means unique challenges

Lisa Ferguson

Monday, May 12, 1997 | 11:59 a.m.

"What the hell is she doing?"

That was Las Vegan Donna Bradford's reaction to the recent news that a 63-year-old California woman had become the world's oldest new mom.

The woman, who lied about her age to participate in an assisted reproduction program at the University of Southern California, became pregnant with a donated egg and her husband's sperm. She gave birth to a baby girl late last year.

After the media blitz surrounding the blessed, yet controversial event subsided, Bradford rethought her position.

"Hey, if she's got the energy" to tend to a child, "that's great. And if she can have it for the next 20 years, that's great."

The 41-year-old grappled with similar issues prior to the birth of her first child, Justin, 16 months ago.

Between chronic earaches and teething, the toddler "cries a whole lot and drives you absolutely out of your mind," she says.

"I have a lot of energy, but it gets used up in different ways that doesn't leave a lot for Justin. When you're older, that's what happens."

A former manicurist, Bradford never planned to have children.

After 20 years in the work force, "I'd done everything I thought I was going to do in my lifetime," she says.

She married Greg, a cabdriver, in 1993. "One day, my life changed ... and I decided I wanted to have a child." The couple conceived Justin the old-fashioned way.

Bradford is among a growing number of women who have put off childbearing to pursue careers and other interests. By the year 2000, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists estimates that 1 of every 12 babies born will be to women age 35 and over.

That means more and more women will be dealing with the unique set of challenges tardy motherhood presents.

Bradford can tell you about those. For starters, her body just ain't what it used to be. "My bones ache," she says. "I have a bad this and a bad that."

Older moms may also encounter other health issues, including diabetes and high blood pressure, "that seem to be more pronounced during pregnancy," says obstetrician Dr. Irwin Glassman, who sees a handful of such patients at his East Sahara Avenue office.

"Your body and your mind change when you're pregnant. It really is a tremendous stress on a woman," he says.

"But an older woman may not be used to having things out of her control, after (spending) 15 years heading up a multimillion dollar business or being a corporate executive."

On the other hand, "They have waited a long time for this child usually. They have wanted this, so they're willing to make these changes," says Barbara Ludwig, director of community services for Columbia Sunrise Hospital, who oversees the Baby and Me parenting classes there.

She doesn't think 40 is too old to be a mother these days. "When we're going to live to be 80, what's 40?"

"I think we'll see more stories about older moms because it's pushing the edge," says Janine Drake, manager of the Pathways to Parenthood maternal education program at Desert Springs Hospital.

Advancements in fertility treatments will also help bolster their numbers. According to ACOG, all women experience a decrease in fertility starting in their early 30s.

"The desire for a family is sometimes a completion cycle for a woman. If we can make that available, that's good," Drake says.

But treatments can be costly, ranging into the thousands of dollars, and, as Mary Killion learned, success is not guaranteed.

The 41-year-old and her husband, Mike, a tax assessor for Clark County, underwent fertility treatments for two years, but to no avail.

"It just didn't work for us," says Killion, recreational field supervisor for the City of Las Vegas Parks and Leisure department.

Earlier this year, the couple adopted infant twin boys, Kyle and Drew, in a process that took about six months.

"We couldn't have gotten pregnant and had a baby as fast as we adopted," she says.

Caring for the twosome, however, has been no small feat. Both parents have taken time off work to stay home with the 5-month-old babies.

But you won't catch them complaining. "This is our choice. We are ready to settle down and do the family thing," she says.

"Every once in a while you wonder, 'What in the world was I thinking?,' but I think all moms do that."

But not all moms will be in their 50s when their children are preteens.

"I guess you could spend a lot of time thinking about about that," Killion says, "but the way my life worked out, I did not have children at 25."

And that's not a bad thing, Drake says.

Older women usually are "mentally ready for these babies. They've accomplished major goals in their life" and lifestyle routines have already been established.

The registered nurse speaks from experience.

A decade ago, at age 34 and following the birth of her son, John, Drake founded a local support group for mature mothers that met monthly for seven years.

"We just needed to get together and have that connection," she says. "Support systems were very hard to find for older moms."

And still are. Parenting classes designed specifically for older parents are not offered through any of the local hospitals.

Ludwig says only a few of these parents have attended Colubia Sunrise's classes. "They come so they can learn in an atmosphere that's pretty neutral," she says.

Killion, however, hopes that age has brought her the wisdom she needs to succeed as a mother.

Over the years, "I think you learn about priorities and what really matters in your life," she says, "and to not let things upset you as much as they would when you were younger."

Like being called Grandma.

While showing pictures of the twins recently, someone mistook Killion, whose hair is prematurely white, for the boys' grandmother.

"It's something that I've dealt with for a long time and sometimes it bothers me, but what can you do?" she says.

"For women in our society, it's not easy to age. It's a real sensitive issue. I think being a mom is being a mom whether you're 25 or 41."