Columnist Bob Shemeligian: C’mon, Vegas, show us the real scandals

Bob Shemeligian

Thursday, May 8, 1997 | 11:59 a.m.

GRANTED, there is a problem in the constable's office.

Bob Nolen reportedly spends so much time at topless bars and so little time serving documents that he probably wouldn't recognize an eviction notice if it were rolled up between a woman's breasts.

It could be that Nolen is worse than the previous constable, Don Charleboix, who was convicted of selling deputy badges for cash and pleaded guilty to two gross misdemeanors.

Or it could be, as Nolen's supporters say, that the members of the Ethics Commission, which recently fined Nolen and recommended his ouster, really don't know silicone from Shinola.

That's a little joke.

But a scandal? Forget it.

Las Vegas might be ranked first in the world in casinos, churches and Boy Scouts per capita. But as scandals go, we're not even on the map.

After all, it's the '90s, when nice guys really do finish last in the public polls and the truly nefarious get all the attention and the lucrative book deals.

In Washington, D.C., Dick Morris, exposed as a liar and an adulterer and then fired by the president, whom he also betrayed, gets the covers of Time and Newsweek, big book deals and a higher tax bracket.

In Japan, two prime ministers have resigned since 1994 because they got caught up in the nation's finance industry scandals.

And where are former Prime Ministers Morihiro Hosokawa and Tomiichi Murayama today? Probably on the 18th green, which is also the color of their fat government retirement checks.

They made more mistakes than Japanese generals in the battle of Midway.

But a mistake is not a crime.

So said Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who barely escaped indictment for breach of trust after appointing a crony as attorney general to win favorable treatment for a political ally who faced corruption charges.

Also cleared recently on corruption charges was Colombia President Ernesto Samper, who had been accused by his campaign director and treasurer of accepting drug money to win office.

But to find the world's biggest scandals, just turn to Massachusetts.

That's where authorities are looking into accusations that Michael Kennedy, son of the late U.S. Attorney General Robert Kennedy, had an affair with the teenage girl who baby-sat his children.

The timing of the baby sitter scandal couldn't be worse for Kennedy's older brother, U.S. Rep. Joseph Kennedy, who is running for Massachusetts governor, and whose former wife, Sheila Rauch Kennedy, recently blasted him in her book, "Shattered Faith."

"The big question is, what did Joe know about his brother and the baby sitter, and when did he know it," said Gayle Fee, a Boston Herald columnist. "And do we really want this man to be governor?"

As a former Massachusetts resident, my reply is, "Of course we do."

After all, our messy, scandalous leaders are very entertaining -- although probably not quite as messy or entertaining as a good Jell-O wrestling match.

At least that's what I overheard our constable say one night at Cheetahs.