Holiday stress push many to the edge

Karen Zekan

Friday, Dec. 26, 1997 | 10:32 a.m.

Bright red poinsettias, shiny baubles dangling from pine boughs, packages wrapped in colored paper -- it's all a part of that cheery holiday image so commercialized this time of year.

But not every home is happy. For countless souls, the holidays bring nothing but the blues.

Professionals across the country are seeing it, and Las Vegans are affected by it. Depression -- so often linked to suicide, murder and other crime -- plagues the yuletide season.

"People usually pull through the holidays, trying to live up to so many expectations," said Grace Dreyer, director of clinical services at Montevista Hospital.

"Expectations of having a holiday where everything is happy and perfect. People tell themselves, 'I've got to do it, for my parents, my husband, my kids,' whoever. You stretch to get through the holiday, and then when it's over and everyone goes home, it hits."

Montevista, a Las Vegas mental health facility, offers programs for all ages dealing with chemical dependency, depression, suicidal tendencies and other problems.

This time of year, the depression callers often have is linked to holiday stress.

"Typically we don't see the huge numbers of calls until after the holidays when a lot of the expectations just don't come through," Dreyer said. "It's like kids who expect certain toys and don't get them, or families so excited about having everything perfect and happy and Uncle Charlie shows up drunk and falls into the Christmas tree. Those expectations are an exaggeration of what reality is."

Many callers are struggling with addictions.

"Especially people with alcohol problems," Dreyer said. "They're under so much pressure from family not to drink, to act right. You can't get sober unless you're doing it for yourself."

Health food stores around the valley also are feeling the weight of the holiday blues.

St. John's Wort, the latest herb making headlines for depression relief, has been flying off store shelves. Other natural remedies include the amino acid tyrosine, phenylalinine, Nutrizac, and herbs like ginko bilboa, kava kava and passion flower.

"I guess there are a lot more depressed people out there than we thought," Mike Prosser said of the remarkable demand he's seen at the Elite Discount Health Foods store he manages in Green Valley.

"We don't necessarily see greater sales around the holidays, but many people have been coming in buying items like St. John's Wort for gifts the past few weeks. We'll probably see sales increase next week, after the holidays are over."

Nevada leads the nation in suicides, according to statistics released in August by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The Silver State reported 22.2 suicides per 100,000 from 1990-94 -- double that of the national average of 12 per 100,000.

Las Vegas fairs even worse, averaging 26 to 27 suicides per 100,000 people, authorities said.

Drugs, alcohol and gambling factor prominently in this 24-hour town's suicide problem. Not everyone drawn to the rapidly growing city finds the proverbial "good life."

Few are as aware of the widespread problems than Marian Thomas, crisis team manager for the city's Trauma Intervention Program.

TIP volunteers arrive within the first few hours after tragedies like murder, fire, suicide, car accidents, or deaths from natural causes.

TIP volunteers help survivors cope by protecting them from further distress caused by the media, the survivor himself, or well-meaning family and friends.

"We never say, 'I know how you feel.' Even if we've been through a similar tragedy, we could never know exactly how another person feels," Thomas said. "We never say, 'Don't worry, things will get better,' because things may not get better. We avoid the platitudes."

Instead, volunteers listen and guide survivors to resources and support groups.

Donations help TIPs offer stuffed animals to children like the 11- and 7-year-old daughters of Ronald Norman, 34, who killed their mother, Judy Norman, 34, and then shot himself Tuesday.

On Christmas Eve they helped the families of a boy who was shot, a woman hit by a car, house fire victims, and five others whose relatives died of natural causes.

"I went on a suicide last month where a lady had been sick and in tremendous pain for years," Thomas said. "She had been taking a lot of pain medication. She cut out taking one of the pain medications and her husband saw it as a sign she was starting to feel better. The woman was in so much pain, and the husband wanted hope so bad. It was heartbreaking. God bless my volunteers."

The nonprofit Southern California-based program has been in Las Vegas four years and is always seeking volunteers. Two years ago, the group averaged 25 calls a month. As of Christmas Eve this year, that monthly figure had almost tripled.

"Last year we were waiting for the suicide calls to come in, and we got nothing," Thomas said. "This year, we've just been overwhelmed."

Linda Flatt has hit an all-time attendance high at her Surviving Suicide support group. Eight people at most attend the meetings since she formed the group in May 1996; 16 suicide survivors were in the room last Tuesday.

"Holidays are trigger times for survivors' bereavement. It is a reminder of the loss," Flatt said. "Suicide survivors, along with survivors of murder victims, have a bigger grieving process to go through because not only are they dealing with loss and death, but also the choice of the person who died, and the social stigma, the embarrassment, it brings out, and not wanting to talk about it."

Flatt's 25-year-old son Paul committed suicide in 1993. He threatened suicide to a friend six months before, but said he was only kidding when his mother confronted him.

Her adult bereavement support group meets the first and third Tuesdays of every month at the Central Christian Church, 3375 S. Mojave Road, and is geared for family members, coworkers and friends whose lives have been deeply affected by a loved one's suicide.

"We encourage people to feel the feelings and get them out so they can understand them and begin to heal," Flatt said. "Otherwise, they sit in your gastrointestinal system and hurt, or sit in your head and cause headaches."

Support groups aren't for everyone, she said. But without talking about it, "you don't heal. You don't make it real."