Columnist Bob Shemeligian: Big jackpots. New hotels. Hmmmmmmmm.

Bob Shemeligian

Thursday, April 17, 1997 | 11:59 a.m.

"IT'S RIGGED!" a woman screamed into my ear as I was trying to interview the latest Megabucks winner.

The scene was New York-New York, the city's newest resort, where 46-year-old Suzanne Henley hit a record $12.5 million slot jackpot early Monday morning.

I told the woman to relax and have a cup of hot tea -- and that I would be right with her after Henley finished giving me the spiel about how she doesn't foresee any major changes in her life despite suddenly accumulating more wealth than the entire nation of Paraguay.

Later, I met the screamer, whose name was Lillian, in the hotel coffee shop.

"Think about it," Lillian said, as she set her nearly empty plastic coin cup on the table. "The big jackpots always hit at the new hotels. Don't you think that's just a little bit strange?"

Later that night, at the newspaper office, I asked Arnold, one of the SUN's resident computer whizzes, to dig up the names of Megabucks winners who have won at new hotels.

"Wow, look at all these hits," Arnold said, raising his voice so I could hear it over an episode of "The Monkees," which was blaring on the computer department's television.

"By the way," Arnold added, as he used his index finger to push his thick-framed glasses up the bridge of his nose, "what's Megabucks?"

"Forget it, Arnold," I replied as I ran back to my desk. "You've been a big help."

There it was on a computer printout:

* In November 1989, Elmer Sherwin hits a $4.6 million jackpot at The Mirage within days of the hotel opening.

* In June 1994, Ralph Allen wins $3.5 million at the newly built Treasure Island. "I'm not going to retire," Allen says, lending credence to Darwin's little-known law, Survival of the Most Idiotic.

* In August 1996, a hotel employee wins $11.2 million at the brand new Monte Carlo.

* Last week, a woman reportedly hits Megabucks at the newly built Orleans hotel but is denied a jackpot because she had wagered only one coin. She then proceeds to make it home safely, again lending credence to Darwin's law.

Immediately, I called Rick Sorensen of International Game Technology.

"Don't play games with me, Rick," I demanded. "Is there a fix on Megabucks?"

Sorensen laughed.

"It's absolutely random," he said. "There certainly is no magic button we could push to direct a certain machine to hit at a certain time."

Sorensen theorized that with so many people playing Megabucks at the new hotels, it's likely that one or two of them would hit a jackpot.

It just goes to show that Sir Arthur Stanley Eddington's 75-year-old quote is true: "If an army of monkeys were strumming on typewriters, they might write all the books in the British Museum."

And having done so, one of the exhausted monkeys, his little fingers bleeding all over the keys, surely would raise his furry face and say, "Why retire now, guys. Let's keep going!"