Commentary: America may be new place after Betty

Thursday, March 21, 1996 | 11:59 a.m.

BETTY CROCKER turns 75 this week, but she certainly doesn't look it.

No longer a prim and frumpy middle-class housewife, the new Betty Crocker could turn out to be as popular as sliced bread.

The eighth version of the ageless cake model was introduced Tuesday by General Mills.

Gone are the blue eyes, tightly pulled-back blond hair and frumpy bow tie.

The new Betty Crocker has brown eyes and glossy brown hair swept back from her smiling face.

Instead of the red-and-white uniform, Betty has a more casual look, complete with a red V-necked cardigan. Buttoned down, of course.

Incidentally, the only other smiling Betty Crocker was the 1955 version, and so the new Betty probably will bring to the minds of baby boomers nostalgic memories of the Sunday morning smell of flapjacks sizzling on the stove.

Ann Mulholland of General Mills said the new Betty is basically an American.

"Just as many Americans have a multiethnic heritage, the same is true for Betty Crocker," said Mulholland, who explained that the new Betty is based on a composite of 75 women.

Hey, General Mills could be onto something.

If the new Betty does well, who knows what modifications will be made to other American icons?

Maybe the Halcion-induced expression on the Pillsbury Dough Boy will be toned down just a tad.

Perhaps the Campbell's Kids will be allowed to exchange their ankle socks and Buster Browns for more fashionable attire.

And as for the Quaker Oats guy, who looks like an extra from the film "Witness," I'm not sure anything would help.

If the trend extends to Las Vegas, perhaps Vegas Vic will trim the sideburns and change the Western attire to reflect the corporate look of the modern casino executive.

Although Vic has been silent for five years, he might be induced to speak again.

But instead of "Howdy, pardner," he might say something like, "Good evening, sir. May I direct you to the casino ATM machine?"

If the U.S. government follows General Mills' lead, maybe old Ben Franklin will get a haircut and lose the frumpy fur-collar coat before the new $100 bills start coming out next month.

I wouldn't be surprised if the fad extends to modern political leaders.

The nation could be treated to a more relaxed and natural-looking Bob Dole. Let's face it, whoever does the guy's makeup should have his mortician's license revoked.

And if a softer appearance has done wonders for Betty Crocker, imagine what it would do for Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Most people assume the stress and anxiety of the Whitewater trial is what's taking a toll on James McDougal. Really, it's having to sit in court all day long staring at Hillary's latest haircut.

Well, I suppose I'm the last guy who should be making fun of people because of their haircuts.

Although I do cut mine at least as often as Betty Crocker changes her appearance.