Where I Stand: Consultants caught in crossfire

Tuesday, July 2, 1996 | 11:59 a.m.

AS IF THE CLARK County School District doesn't have enough trouble.

The flak over the consultants' report on the special education department was one of those cases that followed Murphy's Law. Everything that could go wrong did. It became a turf war that never should have happened. If the consultants had been smart, they would have gone about their business of examining the department, written the report, handed it over to the School Board and left town. After all, that is what consultants usually do. They are not expected to become embroiled in a battle of personalities or politics.

But that didn't happen, and the consultants became part of the problem, which will have repercussions for some time to come.

Meanwhile, the school district took a bit of lampooning on the national level when it became the subject of ridicule in the Quarterly Review of Doublespeak, a publication of English teachers. The criticism was leveled at the new grading method where students no longer receive D's and F's or even A's. Instead, their report cards show such grades as "emerging," "extending" and "developing."

It's called obscurantism and is practiced by many professionals. The cleverest of all are seminar leaders, who seem to have an endless supply of buzz words to bewilder an audience.

My favorite example was a seminar leader who told us:

"Total quality management is the creation and maintenance of a team-based culture founded upon the philosophy of employee empowerment to solve problems which hinder the conformance to customer-focused standards."

Once it was in simple terms -- the customer is always right.

There's a conspiracy afoot.

Cigarettes are out and cigars are in -- but it's tobacco any way you split it.

Having taken so much heat over the production and distribution of coffin nails -- sometimes known as cigarettes -- could it be that the big tobacco companies are searching for other sources to distribute the leafy substance?

The media blitz that has touted cigars is mighty suspicious. It just couldn't have happened without some kind of public relations guru behind it.

If we believe all we read and see, the only way to retain respectability in high places is to puff on a cigar. All the "beautiful" people are doing it and we are supposed to follow along like a mass migration of lemmings.

Cigar smokers will explain how the habit is not damaging to one's health, but I don't believe it. Cigars smell like old, rubber tires burning in a trash pile. They are messy. The second-hand smoke is intolerable, especially in a dining setting.

There will be cigar smokers who will take exception to this column, which doesn't bother me in the least. Just keep them stogies out of my face and space.

Give me a cigarette or pipe smoker any day.

Candidates for the state Legislature would have a surefire campaign issue if they promised to enforce legislation to protect car owners from fraudulent repair services.

The SUN couldn't begin to run all the letters that were sent to "Sound Off" relating horror stories by people who had been ripped off on car repairs.

It's shameful and disgraceful.

Joseph Diskin is a man who wants to vote.

But, he asks, where can I register? He would like to see local newspapers print locations where voters can register.

Perhaps that information will be included in the registrar of voters' campaign to urge people to vote.

Retired businessman Steve Kostelac will be among 80 people saluting the Fourth of July when they have a special flag-raising ceremony at Camlu Retirement Center.

They have been conducting the Fourth of July flag raising for many years.

If you don't know who Steve Kostelac is, don't call yourself an old-timer.

Statisticians tell us that the biggest, booming industry is plastic surgery.

And it's not just for the aging citizen anymore. Baby boomers make up the majority of those seeking to improve their looks.

Psychologist Ross Goldstein says it's because we live in a culture where the way you look is fundamentally important to your emotional and financial well-being and your social standing.

What a wonderful world, where it's so easy to make an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan -- or a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

From Jack Herbert comes this bit of advice:

"We should pattern ourselves after the pin -- the head keeps it from going too far."