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April 20, 2014

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The dog must have eaten Mike Sanford’s homework

NOW

These aren't as classic as "the sun got in my eyes" or "the dog ate my homework" or "I thought we could pick it up on fourth-and-two." But can you match the following excuses with the persons who said them?

1. "In my opinion, this must be a systemic, infrastructure and commitment issue, and not a coach issue."

2. "I didn't inhale it and never tried it again."

3. "There's a mentality within the community of 'Well, let's see if they win, then we'll jump on the bandwagon and help them.' And that's not going to work. It hasn't worked, like I said, for 20 years."

4. "I have severe acid reflux."

5. "I think there needs to be support from the top-level administration at UNLV to be successful in football."

6. "I was just giving her a ride home."

7. "There needs to be money spent at the level that it's spent."

8. "The serpent beguiled me and I did eat."

9. "I will say that there are projects and things that were talked about that were going to be done that still aren't done and, probably from the way I'm hearing, are never going to be done."

10. "Bitch set me up."

11. "I do not for one second believe that I failed in this pursuit. I just wasn't given enough time or resources to do it."

12. "I got caught up in the excitement of the moment."

13. "Five years was not enough time to build this program from where it was when we inherited it.”

14. "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees."

15. "If people really want to win here, they need to put their money where their mouth is."

16. "The police, since my trouble, have not worked out for me."

17. "UNLV is the only school in the MWC that doesn’t have a student-athlete activity center, which is huge in recruiting. There’s more of a commitment at Reno in facilities than there is at UNLV."

18. "I was told I should shoplift. My director said I should try it out."

19. "Our locker room is the worst in college football.”

20. "Deep and seemingly endless frustration."

Answers:

1. Mike Sanford, upon being fired as UNLV football coach.

2. President Bill Clinton on using marijuana.

3. Mike Sanford, upon being fired as UNLV football coach.

4. Ashlee Simpson on why she lip-synced on "Saturday Night Live."

5. Mike Sanford, upon being fired as UNLV football coach.

6. Eddie Murphy, upon being pulled over for picking up a transvestite.

7. Mike Sanford, upon being fired as UNLV football coach.

8. Eve's excuse for eating the apple in the Garden of Eden.

9. Mike Sanford, upon being fired as UNLV football coach.

10. Washington D.C. Mayor Marion Berry, after he was caught smoking crack with an FBI informant.

11. Mike Sanford, upon being fired as UNLV football coach.

12. Michael Jackson, after dangling his baby out of a third-story window.

13. Mike Sanford, upon being fired as UNLV football coach.

14. President George Bush after Hurricane Katrina.

15. Mike Sanford, upon being fired as UNLV football coach.

16. O.J. Simpson on why he didn't call police to reclaim stolen sports memorabilia.

17. Mike Sanford, upon being fired as UNLV football coach.

18. Winona Ryder, after being caught with $4,760 worth of items stuffed in a shopping bag.

19. Mike Sanford, upon being fired as UNLV football coach.

20. Alec Baldwin, on why he referred to his 11-year-old daughter as a "rude little pig." (Also applies to UNLV football fans.)

THEN

The difference between John Robinson and Mike Sanford is that Robinson never blamed anything or anybody other than himself for failing to turn around the UNLV football program.

Oh, and that John Robinson won a national championship. There's also that difference.

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