It was a Beautiful Game — for a half, anyway

By Ron Kantowski

Monday, June 29, 2009 | 11:44 a.m.

NOW

OK, our national soccer team did a nice job by getting to the final of the Confederations Cup, whatever that is, only to get smoked like a salmon by Brazil in the second half.

The Brazilians scored four goals after intermission but were only given credit for three, which is all they needed after spotting our guys a 2-0 lead at halftime. You had the feeling they could have scored eight or nine, if they had to.

This is what happens when you have one of those cool one-name Brazilian soccer monikers, such as Kaka, and you sit on the stool in the locker room sucking on orange slices while the coach yells at you in Portuguese. You go out and score as many goals as you need and remind people who invented "The Beautiful Game."

But the Brazilians could have sent out Carmen Miranda and Sergio Mendes as strikers and probably still would have won because our center backs apparently thought the second half was being played in Cape Town instead of Johannesburg. Where the heck were they?

This is why we need to get Troy Polamalu a soccer jersey with his name on it and put him in the lineup at sweeper for the World Cup next summer. That gives him a full year to learn the rules and how to fake an injury in penalty time.

He already has the eccentric soccer-style hairdo.

You put an all-pro strong safety in the middle of our defense and Pele would have trouble scoring.

I think Polamalu would do it. I mean, if given the choice between beating up on the Jets in a preseason game or knocking a few Frenchmen on their derrieres, what would you do?

THEN

"Enthusiasm is everything. It must be taut and vibrating like a guitar string."

-- Pele