By Ron Kantowski

Published Wednesday, June 3, 2009 | 12:53 p.m.

Updated Wednesday, June 3, 2009 | 10:48 p.m.

Ron Kantowski

Indy 500 parking lot in Speedway, Ind.

Ron Kantowski

Speedway, Ind., residents display their true colors.

A lot of people (at least in Maxwell Smart terms) have been calling and E-mailing, wanting to know how my Midwestern vacation -- a k a "Ron and Joe Go to White Castle" -- turned out.

(Joe is my brother-in-law from Kansas. He did the driving while I made silly home movies.)

So shine up your white patent leather Clark Griswolds and let's go for a ride:

DAY THREE

La Quinta Inn to Indianapolis Motor Speedway

One of these days A.J. Foyt VII or VIII is going to post a qualifying lap of 321.128 mph at the Indy 500 -- and it still won't hold up to the record we set on race day.

We left our hotel at 8 a.m. and made it to within walking distance of the track without so much as slowing down once in traffic.

I couldn't believe it!

We set a new track record, and where was Tom Carnegie to announce it over the public address system?

There were television and radio reports that traffic was worse than ever, which is always a possibility when 350,000 people are trying to get to the same place at the same time. My buddy Tom, a publicist for one of the race teams, lives just north of the Speedway, near Broad Ripple, where David Letterman grew up. He said it took him more than two hours to get to Gasoline Alley.

It took us all of 15 minutes. It would have been 10 had we not stopped at CVS to pick up a couple of disposable cardboard coolers that we couldn't figure out how to put together.

We drove straight from our hotel up Lynhurst Road, which, on every other day of the year, will get you close to the main gate of the Speedway at 16th and Georgetown Road. We were like Helio Castroneves. We never slowed down. We got to within a 15-minute walk of the track and paid a guy $10 to park in his yard. Actually, it was more like a clearing next to his home, alongside the railroad tracks.

The walk through the little town of Speedway and its little well-manicured lawns was wonderful. All the homes on the way to the track were adorned with race flags and smiling faces charging $20 to park in their yards. You can use the restroom, if you'd like, they said. There's plenty of clean towels.

My newer pal, Barry, drove over from Cincinnati to witness his first "500." He loved the race. He loved the walk through the little town of Speedway even more. "A slice of Americana," he called it.

Then he walked across 15th Street to buy a glass of lemonade from the two little girls who had set up a stand under a shade tree.

DAY THREE RECAP:

--- Distance: Four miles.

--- Memorable line: After the race, Barry stopped to buy another glass of lemonade from the same two little girls, reminding them he also had stopped on the way to the Speedway. The two little girls looked at each other nervously. "Was it good?" one finally said.

--- Memorable line II: "Enjoy the race, have fun, drink beer." -- Helio Castroneves over the public address system.

--- White Castles: One, just off Lynhurst on the way back to the hotel. I had four double cheeseburgers. Joe was in double digits when I lost count. Barry was smart. He had the Deep Sea Sandwich.

--- Lodging: La Quinta Inn, four miles from the track, four miles from the speedway, three guys sharing a room. No rollaway beds. Two short straws. No lustful thoughts of Danica Patrick for the ones who drew them.

--- Best beer: Cold can of Bud Light just before the green flag fell ... and the cardboard cooler fell apart.

Bill Friel / AP

Vitor Meira, of Brazil, crashes into the wall as his teammate A.J. Foyt IV passes by during the Indianapolis 500 auto race at Indianapolis Motor Speedway in Indianapolis, Sunday, May 24, 2009.

--- You should have seen: Vitor Meira's car roll right past us and almost all the way to Turn 2 on two wheels after crashing onto its side.

--- You should have seen, Part II: The girl in the tiny purple bikini who walked from the very top of the Southwest Vista all the way to the bottom with most of her side pods exposed, nearly bringing out the yellow flag.

--- Playing in the CD deck: Bob & Tom's Checkered Past by Bob (Kevoian) & Tom (Griswold), a couple of Indianapolis radio personalities whose Indy 500 parody songs are freakin' hilarious.

--- Sports event du jour: The Indianapolis 500; The Greatest Spectacle in Racing; The Largest Single Day Sporting Event in the World. Helio Castroneves dances with the stars of his sport by posting his third Indy victory.

--- Next stop: Chicago.