Las Vegas Sun

March 19, 2024

Punchless hockey team wins title

NOW:

A loyal reader from Sakatchewan (you can never have too many of those) sent me a link to a story about a midget-level (boys 16-17) hockey team there that finished its regular season without being penalized once for fighting -- and still won its league championship.

"There goes those kids' chances of playing at the next level," said my hockey-playing colleague on the other side of the newsroom.

Well, there's always the graveyard shift at Tim Horton's doughnuts.

"They're taught to play by the game," said coach Murray Holzapfel of the Fort Qu'Appelle Falcons. "If somebody does something cheap to you, you just take it."

"Now you tell me," ex-Syracuse Chiefs enforcer Ogie Ogilthorpe said in a statement from his secluded log cabin in Nova Scotia where he continues to undergo intense psychotherapy after receiving a lifetime ban from the Federal League.

In a related story, attendance at Falcons games was off 75 percent this season.

THEN:

"Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept." -- Doug Larson

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