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July 26, 2014

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Monday List: An ode to the UFL’s Las Vegas ‘Locos’

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Steve Silver

The upstart United Football League unveiled Las Vegas' team name, the Locomotives, and uniforms at a press conference inside the Palms on Monday morning.

UFL unveils Locomotives' uniforms

The upstart United Football League unveiled Las Vegas' team name, the Locomotives, and uniforms at a press conference inside the Palms on Monday morning. Launch slideshow »

I’ll take what is certain to already be a contrarian view on the nickname of the Las Vegas entry into the new UFL: I like the new nickname the Locomotives. It hearkens to the very birth of Las Vegas. It reminds generations of Americans of wonderful assembly-required toys. It speaks to our country’s history of inventive development of cross-country transportation, when grizzled men spat on their hands and wielded heavy mallets to ensure that East would someday be inextricably linked to West.

(Cough!)

I can’t do this. It’s not a great nickname. It’s different. It’s clumsy. It will inevitably lead to the shortening to “Locos,” and if there’s anything you don’t want to be on a football field, it’s “loco.” No, Locomotives is not as nearly as appealing as some of Vegas’ sports teams' best nicknames over the years -- Stars and Rebels are the two that spring to mind. But I’ll allow that Locomotives is a little more effective than 51s.

At least you know what a locomotive is.

Regardless, today’s list shines a light on the Locos: Top 13 Rejected Nicknames for the Las Vegas Locomotives (all of which are railroad terms or inspired by such):

13. Las Vegas Crazy Trains.

12. Las Vegas Boxcar Willies.

11. Las Vegas Car Knockers.

10. Las Vegas Derailment.

9. Las Vegas Track Marks.

8. Las Vegas Affable Hobos.

7. Las Vegas Monkey Motion.

6. Las Vegas Pumping Signal.

5. Las Vegas Oak Ties.

4. Las Vegas Gandy Dancers.

3. Las Vegas Holy Rollers (hey, that’s actually not bad).

2. Las Vegas Scrap Iron.

1. Las Vegas Signal Dollies.

Follow John Katsilometes on Twitter at twitter.com/JohnnyKats.

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